Thursday, October 18, 2007

Cannabis cities

Have you ever been driving under the neon lights of a brightly lit fly-over on a November night.... just before the breaking of dawn.... mellow drunk, with Def Leppard on the stereo and one elbow resting on the rolled down window...... content in the sense of belonging that threatens to overwhelm your senses, causing you to nearly veer off the road, lulled as you are by the euphoria of knowing there might never be a more perfect moment?

Ah, for there ain't a greater high than zipping past the dawn kissed familiarity of the streets you love...

I have often wondered what is it about Delhi that makes me feel like i am the extension of its being? What is it that makes my hands itch to take the wheel every time the husband and i are getting back from a late night party? Is it the fact that this is the city in which i was born? Or is it because i have studied and lived here for the best part of the last 14 years? Is my attachment to the city a natural corollary of my parents' having spent their growing-up years, curiously charting its corners as i often do? perhaps all of these and more. What i do know is that the sight of the Red Fort after a few days away is like none other, navigating the traffic is often more exciting than a favourite video game and there's always a part of me that's missing every time i am away.

anyhow, here is a list of things that make Delhi more irritatingly adorable than any other place in the world (ever since Dehradun lost out on the top spot for a variety of reasons), borrowed, for now,
from an email forward someone sent me a while ago, a list of things (not exhaustive by a long shot!) that Delhiites swear by:
  • 1. The Other Side Law: If my side of the road has a traffic jam, then I can start driving on the wrong side of the road, and all incoming cars on other side will be re-routed via Meerut.

    2. The Queue Nahin Rule: If there is a queue of many people, no one will notice me sneaking into the front as long as I am looking the other way.

    3. The Mind Over Matter Law: If a red light is not working, four cars from different directions can easily pass through one another.

    4. The Auto Axiom: If I indicate which way I am going to turn my auto rickshaw, it is an information security leak.

    5. Spit and Span: The more I lean out of my car or bus, and the harder I spit, the stronger the roads become.

    6. The Cinema Hall Fact: If I get a call on my mobile phone, the film automatically goes into pause mode.

    7. The Brotherhood Law: If I want to win an argument, I need only to repeatedly suggest that the other person has illicit relations with his sister or mother.. .

    8. The Baraat Right: When I'm on the road to marriage, all the roads in the city belong to me.

    9. The Heart Of Things: If I open enough buttons on my shirt, the pretty girl at the bus stop can see through my hairy chest into the depths of my soul.

    10. The Name Game: It is very important for the driver behind me to memorise the nicknames of my children.

    11. Parking Up The Wrong Tree: When I double-park my car, the road automatically widens so that the traffic is not affected.

    12. The Chill Bill Move: When I park and block someone else's car I am giving him a chance to pause, relax, chill, reflect and take a few moments off from his rushed day.

    13. The Brrrrp Break: The louder I burp in a public place; the more it helps other people digest their food.

    14. The Bus Karo Law: If I stop my bus at the correct place near the bus stop, the city will explode and blow into 6 million pieces.

    15. The VIP Rule: There are only 7 important persons in this city - Me, I, Myself, Main, Mainu, Aami and Moi!

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