Monday, November 5, 2007
Marital Martial Arts
there are times when the husband and i fight and he has often asked me, at moments when we have nearly forgotten what the original issue was, why i feel the need to always win whatever argument is the flavour of the tirade. i suppose his irritation stems from the myth gleefully perpetuated by men (and some women) that the woman must always have the last word in any argument (apparently, anything that follows is the start of a brand new discussion!)... alright! perhaps. but winning?
i have thought of this at length and the answer is always the same. no one wins. anyone who thinks they do are just fooling themselves, and whats worse, i would like to ask them this: what do you think you are winning and against whom?
there are times when he makes me lose my cool enough that i get so uncharacteristically angry that i don't really know what i am arguing about in the first place.... and it is times like these when i feel like i have lost. big time. everytime. i lose against an enslaving temper, against my better judgement, against the power of good memories and pre-marital pledges, and against previous victories spurred by honest self reproach. and then i am angry for allowing the Trojan Horse of anger to breach the walls of my tolerance, patience, faith and common sense.
so, for all those who still think they won, it is nothing but a shadow of victory. can you spot your name on that glorious roll of honour? oh, and could i please have a look at that glitzy trophy?