Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Risks and Rewards
i feel, every now and then, that i am breaching the rules of the game, just because i don’t know what they are. given my penchant for shooting my mouth off, my impulsiveness has got me into quite a few scrapes in life. in trying to navigate the blind alley of relationships i further seem to have developed flippancy into an art form and often shy away from straight answers, usually saying the first thing that comes to my head before my brain has had time to process the thought behind it…i have no ready answers… i rarely do. But, yeah i think a lot and then i think some more and sometimes my brain’s like Schumacher’s practice run!
someone asked me a question a long time ago: how far would you be willing to go in order to make someone see your point of view about a relationship (real or potential)?
i don’t know if there is an answer, or even a limit... any personal relationship is based on some special discovery or another.. perhaps something seen by two people in one another no matter how trivial or how long ago, to paraphrase Hugh Prather. One just has to recognise the relevant sign and then follow its lead. in my humble experience, it usually takes you just where you want to go.... provided you are not howling at the moon but at a much more achievable target! so howl away till the other person just has no excuse left to not be with you!!
we are all afraid of taking the risk.... leaving yourself open to hurt is a lot like splashing your eyes with water …. the normal human reflex is to shut them tight, but you just have to keep trying to keep them open till it becomes a habit. i have always been over-cautious about opening my eyes most of the time, the flip side being that i did miss out on a lot that i refused to risk! maybe i was searching for that perfect gamble. now i know there are none. well, i guess we live some, lose some and learn some.
besides, in any relationship, you can never know which way it is going to swing till you get past your very first crisis….. for example, if one person is always looking to exaggerate the problem and avoiding the solution, however hard that may be, then the other one will forever be picking up the pieces.
oh and call me hopelessly uncynical, but i refuse to agree with those who say that romance/attraction/whatever dies blah blah blah… i agree that it takes frequent breaks, maybe even hibernates for a while, but it takes the right combination to revive it! in the end, you can be "sensible" all you want but most times you just have to play it by ear.... and if you get too involved in the “properness” of it all, you’ll never get past the pleasantries.
sometimes, there is nothing. no sign. no bells. no answers from the heavens. and things just drift... sometimes we wonder and sometimes we don't.