Thursday, July 24, 2008

PETA (Please Eat The Activist)

(... and the edit function on this website. apologies for the formatting. just can't get it right!)

i thought that i did not need to say this after "Terrible Tuesday", but Indian politicians (and wannabes) are getting curiouser and curiouser... i hereby sincerely invoke divine protection for the causes they choose to espouse, after this little gem from today's oped page in the Pioneer (titled "Beat the urge for meat"), written by that environmental fundamentalist (read terrorist!) lady, the
other other Mrs. Gandhi...

when she wrote a passionate piece about the plight of the poor pigeons who were exploited during the shooting of the SRK starrer
Paheli, i finally realised that she needs help, a conclusion i am sure i share with others. for the undecided, i present to you her latest vituperation of meat eaters.... here are my favorite bits, which must be seen in light of the fact that i am a pious non-veggie: BRACE YOURSELVES! (Black's her; the red is moi, of course!)

here goes....

Everyone's life is strewn with incidents wherein they have a chance to become bigger than themselves (this point contradicts a later one linking meat eating to obesity), to be nobler and kinder and happier (by being veggie? are you kidding me??!!). Some people don't recognise these opportunities but they return again and again, so you still have time to open your eyes. However, some people go in the opposite direction-they take the chance that life gives them and they abuse it and strangle it till the little luck they have squeezes itself out the window and runs for its life. (don't miss the helpless li'l chicken-that-we-carnivores-have-been-terrorising-for-generations analogy!)

Take for example someone who has the good fortune to be born into a vegetarian family. (good fortune and vegetarianism? that's like saying you are fortunate to be born in Mugabe's Zimbabwe!) Why they would lapse into a carnivorous diet and pick up disease, obesity, bad odour, (eh?) and bad karma is beyond my understanding. But people do. Every now and then, I see people from proud (eh, again!) vegetarian families eating meat....... These are the reasons spouted by ex-vegetarians for breaking the faith:

"I belong to the privileged Brahmin class. I need to do something to show my solidarity with the downtrodden Dalits. So I consume meat." (Then why not live in the same place and manner the way they do?
(uh oh!!) Or even better, invite them to share your own privileges. ("...carefulllll!!) But that would be asking too much of our fashionable leftist.) (are we talking Guevara here? 'cos being a leftist in India went squarely outta fashion this week!!)
{Boy! someone is NEVAH getting a ticket from Maya Aunty!! }

"My college friends say I am a nuisance at picnics and that I shouldn't be such a fanatic." (So you should suffer cold ecoli-ridden chicken sandwiches just to go along with the gang. Giving up your beliefs to suit others' convenience is pathetic. If they don't value you, change your friends, not your food.) {and what about trading your yummy BigMacs to show solidarity with your fussy "i-eat-only-organic" vegan soy-sucking friends?? change 'em?? i say.... you're probably right!}

"Eating meat makes me seem more normal and fit." (The same argument is given by smokers and drinkers.)
(come now! leave that outta this. i feel attacked on all fronts! for the record, i am neither fit nor normal. not by a long shot.)

.......soyabean and dal are the highest sources of protein and all the world's biggest and most powerful animals like elephants, rhinos, giraffes, bulls and horses are vegetarians.
(.... ok, this is actually funny... can you imagine all thse big guys sitting down to an environmentally-friendly "save the world" seven-course meal of soyabean and dal??? the animal kingdom's answer to our pathetic G8!)

"Poor people grow goats and if we stop eating meat those poor will be deprived of their livelihood." (So you are actually eating meat as a social service? Give up your car and ride in a tanga to support the poor tangawallahs, and wear hand-spun material to support the poor weavers and eat in earthenware to support the poor potters.)
(grow goats???? really? whay have we not written about this unique mutation miracle? is the government secretly subsidising these poor people? its a giant genetic conspiracy! and is it not cruel to exploit the poor horse that drives the noble tanga?? is PETA listening? and what of the tired hands that spin and our mother earth that we will be exploiting?)

"My wife/husband eats meat and I cannot cook separately because it's too exhausting." (Why not just lump everything together - soup, main course, dessert because it's too exhausting to make them separately? And why not share clothes to reduce washing and ironing. Put the whole family in one room to reduce cleaning area. All the more reason to cook vegetarian because it's what both people can eat. Should your partner want meat, let him/her go hunt for it.)
(no comment. seriously. quite like the image of this neanderthalish kibbutz!)

"I eat meat when someone offers it to me. I don't want to impose my class/caste views on other people." (So then you would go anywhere you were taken, watch anything you were shown, read anything you were given. That's just what this world needs- mindless robots).
(either that or we choose to take your advice and choose NOT to read the baloney that you write and in return you stop imposing your views on us. howzzat for karmic balance eh?)

She ends by saying:

Do you recognise yourself?

i throw this back at you Ma'am.
do YOU?

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