Wednesday, August 6, 2008
What's in a name?
i'm shedding skin. and baggage. (alas, no pounds, yet!)
as i try to look beyond the greatest betrayal of my life, slowly inching my way towards yet another self-discovery, i've decided that such a journey can allow no baggage from the past, including a post- marital suffix to my maiden name. so, today, i took the semi-final step towards leaving the same by the wayside, along with motley dreams and the attachment to what definitely was a more Googleable entity. the cruel hand of fate, i say!
yes, this definitely is a confession of sorts and does mean that i DO admit to a certain narcissisim in Googling myself every now and then just to see where all i turn up and how often... besides, its good to know what kind of spooks are using your printed word to embellish or espouse their lofty (or shady) causes. but being blessed with an eminently (and horrendously) common Indian name-surname combo can surely throw a spanner in the works for Page 1 celeb status (on google search, of course), and to add isult to injury i ain't Page 3 material in any case. never will be, i strongly suspect :)
but i have to admit that this particular departure, in a long line of them over the last few months, has been an uplifting experience. feels like i am back from being the shadow of my former self, even though one may ask, what really is in a name? perhaps, for me, its the essence of who i had forgotten how to be in the last couple of years. its three syllables exemplify the craziness that my parents unleashed upon the world three score (and then some more) years ago; the sing-song way in which all my friends have cheerfully addressed me over the years (and continue to do, which makes newer acquaintances wonder why they ALWAYS insist on hitching the family name to my christian one while addressing me! for the record, that's a school thingy); AND, most importantly, it's just who i was before... well... before, it all went downhill. meaning that i must begin the excruciating climb up another hillside (new future, new home, new job, same holiday package, new twin-sharer... blah blah blah) before i go over the hill. but... boy! this has been one great descent into a pasture that's greener than i imagined:) but then let me not get ahead of myself.
in the last few weeks, a lot of people have tried to shore me up by saying that this is my trial-by-fire and what-not, some even going to the poetic extent of telling me that i am going to rise from the ashes, Sphinx-like, to reclaim all that's been lost. (oh, believe you me, i am NOT making this up!) i don't know too much about mythological morale-boosters, but what i do know is this: i'm doin' kinda ok. and that's the kind of optimism that goes with the name. and with the same, i hope that you will, as dedicated friends, keep scrolling down the search pages to reach a result that remotely hints at this poor ol' girl.
all this same, PS is clawing her way back up. and how!
see ya at the top :)