Friday, March 6, 2009

Hey daam!


So, Gandhiji's glasses have finally found their way home and all true patriots are busy rolling out the red carpet for Bapu's chappals and feast the return of his katori thaali and what not. And here I am, indulging a rather traitorous thought. What's the big bloody deal?

Now, as for the rest of you who are true Gandhians, you must forever fly Kingfisher to repay your eternal debt to the Baron, its soaring prices and plunging necklines be damned. All is forgiven, brother. Much beer under the bridge. After successfully acquiring Tipu Sultan's sword, Vijay Mallya seems to have won another bloody battle by snatching joy for a billion plus, from right under the hammer in just a wee minus 2 million. Wah wah, Mallya! Taaliyan Taaliyan...

But the government, never missing the bandwagon, was quick to climb aboard, huffing and puffing, with some heavy duty self-patting on the back - the very same one it had almost turned against the Mahatma's memorabilia, for fear of being taken to the cleaners. In fact, I am quite surprised the bidding stopped at 1.8 million. I mean, Mr. Otis could have cleaned out our entire foreign exchange reserves if he so wished! What's a few hundred billion when national pride is on the line, man?! Won't you bail out your own father? And this little guy is the father of the NATION, duuuuude!!

Alas, my conspiracy theories have met a sad, lonely end. There was no mysterious bugger planted by the Pakis to proxy bid, no Zionist cabal to make a dog-in-the-manger India think that the Palestinians were rigging all counter bids, and (sigh!) no national crisis in which all the Indian maa-behens were asked to take off their gold and load it onto a ship leaving for American shores. No mass mela of charkha weavers who maniacally started weaving right into China's lead in textile exports. Life's so darn unfair! We're back to sqaure one and community service on Oct 2nd, on a holiday that still unfairly eludes a few.

Finally, I couldn't help but think that had poor Bapu's soul, may it rest in peace, been hovering over the auction somewhere, watching Sant and Toni bid away - the might of firangi butter chicken pitted against desi beer - might he not have gasped yet again and hollered "yeh daam????!!"

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