Friday, October 9, 2009

Don't be a chicken... cross the damn road, will ya!

A few answers to that eternal question "Why did the chicken cross the road?" from the men and women working towards making the world a better place for all creatures:

  • Rahul Gandhi: I have asked our state units to induct chickens en masse into the party, so that they can take my message across the street after they have crossed it safely. No, there are no Dalit chickens that I know of. I love cuddling them all.
  • Mayawati: I am ordering my men to erect my statues on all busy thoroughfares, so that the chickens may hop from (my) handbag to (my) handbag till they have crossed over safely.
  • Raj Thackeray: Chicken is an English word... I will NOT have these alien creatures hopping across the roads of Mumbai! Jai Balasaheb.... err, i mean, Maharashtra!
  • Karan Johar: I apoliogise to all chickens who have been offended by anything I might have said that might amount to their motives being called into question. My next movie will be a heartwarming story of a chicken's undying love for the road. It will be set in "Mumbai". (Did you guys get that?) Rajji will be there to bless us at the muhurat. Only chai will be served. What's Koffee?
  • Maneka Gandhi: Karan Johar is making a movie with real, live chickens! Is the cast vegetarian?
  • Shilpa Shetty: I'm a veggie, and can balance a bhindi on my washboard tummy. I would like to invite all you chickens to participate in a new reality show being produced by my bankfriend... uh, I mean, my boyfriend...uh, fiance... Raj Tundra... uh, Kundra. In the end, the chicken that can cheer the loudest for Rajasthan Royals will be ferried safely across the road in my new car.
  • Ratan Tata: For every 100 Nanos I sell, I will give one to chickens so that they may never have to cross roads on foot again.
  • Medha Patkar: Dam the chickens! Uh, I mean don't build dams... so that all chickens may swim freely to the other side.
  • Shah Rukh Khan: Kkkaunsa chicken? Kkkahan?
  • Salman Khan: There's a chicken on the road? Screeeeeech..... Oh shit!
  • Aamir Khan: Chickens sometimes cross roads. DON'T KILL THE CHICKEN. It was SRK all along. Don't kill.....
now I'm bored and there's work to do... ok, end of timeout... so, over and out. More later if I feel inspired (or bored) enough.

PS: Look at Aamir's glistening six-pack, and remember to drive safely, y'all!