Thursday, January 14, 2010

Change is inevitable. Say, what?

I've realised that no amount of sunshine /IT sops/ resigned ignorance of their itchy ways/ extra elaichi-adrak in their morning chai/ etc etc. will make men you pass along the short walk from parking lot  to work place abandon their morning dose of MC/BC. From the nukkad chaiwallah to the office boy, the parking dude with his long unwashed tresses and stone-washed jeans to the credit card "execs" in their subway-selection ties, to the patties-with-kaddu-ketchup-and-jam-topped-cream-roll man; from the men loading or unloading (offloading?) stuff in the building's 'backside'... to even (here we transcend gender) the lady who sells fruit next to our building (and fights with anyone who even dares to dream of parking their car within a kilometre of her stall), they're all at it. Like its Rig Veda chanting time in Aryanic Dilli. Well, of course, we're all Brahmins here.

So, with age -- or constant fuck-ups, depending on your mortal trajectory -- comes the knowledge that there will always be things that you cannot change. Here's a list of a few from recent life experiences, marking a brief (and pleasurable?) return to bullet points, like in the Friday Fundas of yore and more:
  •  Slow IT response times in office. Also the mysterious, Paranormal Activity-type occurrence that when you report a really "serious" problem, it somehow resolves itself either just after your tenth call or just before they actually get to your desk.
  • Genetically grumpy colleagues
  • Jarring 'hold' music on lines you are forced to hold the longest. Like Meru Cabs. Also, who can ever run fast enough or hide long enough from that tortured monotone of "iss route ki sabhi linein vyast hain..." Linein. Is that even a real word?
  • Practised ignorance
  • The Management's constant need to send reassuring emails of progress made and targets achieved, filled with jargon that bears no resemblance to sense and does not correspond, directly or indirectly, to even a marginal increase in the bottom line on your paycheck, which, incidentally, is indirectly proportional to the rising fortunes of the company, following encouraging quarterly results that are taking it from strength to strength while inspiring eternal confidence in the market and in the hearts of shareholders and is reflected in the gleaming steel 'n' alloy gracing the reserved parking slots of higher (than you) management.
  • Pompous verbosity
  • (seemingly, of course) the foggy conditions freezing, blinding and pissing-off Delhiites right this moment
  • People aiming for the right lane at a traffic signal, when what they really want to do is go left. It's like basketball. Or hockey. Or soccer. Don't drive here if you like cricket or golf.
  • Short tempers
  • Long pauses
  • Clothes marked XL, which wouldn't fit a chihuahua. What's with that?
  • Getting lost while taking shortcuts 
  • A long succession of green lights, when all you need is a bloody red to freshen your lipstick before a date.
  •  The exact position of the long-forgotten gym stuff in the locker day after day...after day.
  • Your mom's habit of discussing (at length) what you're having/had/will have/could have had/should have had/might have had for lunch/breakfast/dinner today/tomorrow/yesterday, especially when you're trying to keep your voice down and impatience in check while trying not to hurt her feelings-- all this in the middle of an open-plan office. And that too on a day you skipped breakfast and hastily washed down a McChicken (w/-cheese!) with a large Coke for lunch. Hmmm...What's a fruit, you  wonder, right around the time she gets to your daily vitamin supplements. 
  • the lure of bullet points every now and then....

    1 comment:

    1. HEHEEE..!
      Nicely Done!
      "Clothes marked XL, which wouldn't fit a chihuahua" - EXACTLY! Never got the logic behind that..
      Nice to know I am your namesake BTW! :)
      Oh and, I take back my words about taking the Metro in Delhi..Check out my blog to know why! :)